“Football’s not a matter of life or death. It’s much more important than that,” is the famous quote from former Liverpool manager Bill Shankly which rings true for so many football supporters…
“Mr. Dewhurst you will need major open heart surgery,” words that struck fear into me like nothing else in my life. It marked the beginning of the end of the beginning, sat in that consultant’s room; it marked the end of two years of hell. A case of putting a bit of weight on back in January 2008 had resulted in me being rushed into hospital with heart failure and fluid retention as well as nearly having a heart transplant…..
I was sat in the Hallamshire hospital contemplating the thought of going through a serious operation, my entire body numb. This was serious, I had to stand up and be a man but I felt weak…I went for the pre-assessment with the surgeon who was to perform my operation (a Mr. J Wilkinson) and he went into detail about the risks.
He was going to open my chest up and strip down my pericardium wall which had become stiff and had prevented my heart pumping. He explained what would happen and made sure I knew all the risks involved. Again I went numb and with Mr. Wilkinson sensing this made a comment about being a Pompey fan. I remember hoping they won a few games so he would be in a good mood pre-op.
I went home and tried to enjoy Christmas knowing that in January I would be having surgery. I couldn’t enjoy it though as every time I felt good I remembered what I was facing. Nothing mattered, not even the football. I used to listen to Radio Sheffield and normally I’d be interested, but all the time I kept thinking selfish thoughts such as why others were happy when I was not.
It sounds stupid but that was how I felt….
The next few weeks came and went until I got the dreaded letter asking me to go for my pre–op. I went, all the time thinking I couldn’t go through with the operation. I became so angry and depressed. I cut my family and friends out of my life as I just couldn’t handle anything, but then, like an epiphany I thought I just needed to get it done.
The day of the operation I was ready, until a phone call from the Northern General hospital informed me that my op was to be postponed due to an outbreak of sickness and diarrhea. I felt relieved in a way but also cheated as it had just postponed the inevitable.
I waited for another fortnight until another letter came for the operation date but once the date arrived I had a really bad cold so couldn’t go in. This sort of unfortunate event carried on for a few months with me not being able to go through with the operation with one thing or another.
I can’t explain the feeling and I’m guessing I’m not alone. I knew that this operation would give me a chance to get my old life back but I just feared the unknown of the operation as I wouldn’t be in control.
I eventually went for the operation on 1st June 2009. This was the match of my life, already 3-1 down and having to pull myself together to get through it. My thoughts turned to my family and friends and I began to be concerned with how people would react if the worst happened.
When I woke up from the operation I was in a lot of pain but the information that the operation had been a success felt like I had won the World Cup. I couldn’t stop smiling despite the pain but I think a lot of that was to do with the morphine and the dihyracodine.
The first six weeks or so went really slow as I wasn’t allowed to do much. I was desperate to get out and see some football and this finally happened at the Sheffield FC vs. Stamford game. It was the first game of the season and felt amazing to be able to be out and amongst people who would soon become friends.
I can’t thank Sheffield FC enough for their help and support with my rehabilitation, especially the chairman, Richard Tims and Ian Feeley. Mr Tims sent me a lovely email of support and invited me down to the ground as a guest of the club.
There will be many people reading this who are going through a bad time in their lives, but if you believe in something such as football and your club, then you have something to focus on that will help you to get through it as I did and now, (touch wood) I’m well on my way to recovery.
However, I know each step is supported by my family, friends and my club. There’s loads of people I want to thank for their love and support but the ones I want to particularly mention are my Nan, my family (without their support I wouldn’t be here), Nicola my heart nurse who kept at me to have the operation as well as the entire heart staff at both the Northern General and the Hallamshire hospital and my amazing surgeon Mr. G Wilkinson (Play Up Pompey!)
Thank you to my friends and especially Ady who I discarded like the rest of the people at my lowest ebb but one who stuck by me and was there when I came out…
Phillip Dewhurst
Note From Editor: And thanks to you Phil for sharing your experiences and all your support and time you have given first e11even. Fans like you make this publication. And it is for fans like you that we dose ourselves up on caffeine and energy drinks long into the wee small hours to make this magazine ….